This day's a spinning circus on a wheel

"Ashes And Wine" by A Fine Frenzy

"Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
And I'll drown in my tear storming sea
That would show you
That would make you hurt like me

All the same
I don't want mud-slinging games
It's just a shame
To let you walk away

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

Don't know if our fate's already sealed
This day's a spinning circus on a wheel
And I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
Coffee-laced, intoxicating on her lips

Shut it out
I've got no claim on you now
I'm not allowed
To wear your freedom down, no

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

I'll tear myself away
If that is what you need
There is nothing left to say
But...

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
Reduced to ashes and wine?
Or are we ashes?"

this song is the newest addition to my list of favorite songs, which is rather long i must admit... (i'm actually thinking that i should split the list up with subsections based on why i like the songs) some of the songs on my list are there because of content, some are there because of the instrumentals, and others are there because of the way the notes flow from one to the next. this song is on my list for that reason; for the way that the notes flow together from one to the next. as a singer i am drawn to these types of songs because i find them more fun to sing, where the flow of the notes is unpredictable and unique.

A Fine Frenzy is one of my favorite artist, right up there with Billy Joel and Celine Dion, and i have had her songs stuck in my head since before comic-con. but now i know... i absolutely have to get that album!

--as always

What a week!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!

this past week has been amazing. i have seen, met and talked to so many famous people that its ridiculous!! i have had an absolute blast!

so, some of my fonder memories from this last week:
- the drive down
it was amazing because Sara, Gracie, Paige and i were singing out to Disney songs the whole way down and designated starfleet ranks and characters from TOS to each of us... Sara was Kirk, Paige was Spock, Grace was Uhura, and i was Scotty. it was amazing!
- meeting Leonard Nimoy and shaking his hand
enough said... i thought i might die of happiness
- meeting Colin Baker
so cool!
- the Batman: The Brave and the Bold panel
it was a musical episode and it was the greatest thing to see first thing in the morning! sooooo funny!
- the Burn Notice and Psych panels
Bruce Campbell giving out money to those who flattered him or really amused him and then saying "So Bruce, how was Comic-Con? ... Expensive" so great! and then Dule Hill dancing and the whole audience shouting "Magic Head" over and over again
- the Green Lantern movie
so many great moments in that movie and the whole audience reciting the Green Lantern Corps oath. so epic... so much nerd in such a concentrated space!
- seeing David Tennant, John Barrowman and the cast of Being Human
David Tennant was so bubbly and happy, and so very random! and John Barrowman, where to start... he was hitting on every man on the stage. it was great!
- the great quotes
"I bet they punched you" "Yeah, punched me with their puppy dog eyes"
"I hope we can still get our swag from Psych and Burn Notice... it's ok, if we can't we'll just mug someone for theirs"
- seeing Amanda Tapping and Bob Picardo
that was the coolest thing to see two Stargate Atlantis leaders in such a short amount of time
- seeing Garet Wang
so cool
- the Big Bang Theory panel
it was just downright fun
- the wonderful conversations
if you were part of all of the silliness or the seriousness then you understand. what great times!
- almost getting in trouble and getting kicked out of the hotel the night before the last day of the con
now, this requires some explanation... so i was bored and mulling and musing over events and such, and i walked out of the room and down the corridor. and there, around the corner and by the table there, was a bellhop cart. now, my first reaction was to sit on it and roll around with it... and i pushed myself back and forth past the open hotel room door, because we almost always left it open. and then Jew came out and i sat on the cart and she push me up and down the corridor and we talked about stuff. shortly after (sort of) Nikki came out and said she needed to get ice, so she sat down on the cart behind me and we started to head towards the ice machine. then, as we were about to round the corner i caught a glimpse of a management staff person. and then Nikki and i quickly got off the cart and the management guy was walking towards us when Chelle showed up and asked what we were doing, to which i promptly responded "retuning the cart." then we sent Chelle back to the room to shut the door before the management guy got there, because we were sleeping eight people in a four person room... then Jew and i stashed the cart in the garage one floor down while Nikki got ice. Jew and i then went up to the top floor and continued our conversation until Nikki and Gracie came and found us, and then all four of us had to be shifty and sneeky to get back to the room without the management guy seeing us because he had been following Nikki.
- steeling towels from the maids hall with Paige and Gracie
we took eight towels and a bath mat, only to have four towels delivered to our room 30 minutes later. we had so many towels that it looked like we reenacted World War II with them...
- getting free stuff because i was forward and because guys thought i was cute
Gracie and i hung out one of the days and we got so much free stuff... it was impressive.
- the drive home
we were definitely the 'fun-vee' only, without the explosions and the dying

i know it's a lot, but in my defense, i did say that it was the best week ever...



--as always

I'll try to get out, but I never will...

"Trust Me" by The Fray

"Looking for something I've never seen
Alone and I'm in between
The place that I'm from and the place that I'm in
A city I never been
But I found a friend or should I say a foe
Said there's a few things you should know
We don't want you to see, we come and we go
Here today, gone tomorrow

We're only taking turns
Holding this world
It's how it's always been
When you're older
You will understand

If I say who I know, it just goes to show
You need me less than I need you
Take it from me, we don't give sympathy
You can trust me, trust nobody
But I said you and me we don't have honesty
The things we don't want to speak
I'll try to get out, but I never will
Traffic is perfectly still

We're only taking turns
Holding this world
It's how it's always been
When you're older
You will understand

But then again, maybe you don't
But then again, maybe you won't

We're only taking turns
Holding this world
It's how it's always been
When you're older
You will understand

When you're older
You might understand
When you're older
You might understand"





i went to put gas in my truck today and this song was the one that i had set to play next. i remember specifically putting it on this song, but i dont quite remember why. i do know that this song reminds me of a great many things, several things that i have been thinking a lot about recently. things that i have been through, things that have changed me and made me so drastically different from the rest of society.

this has been following me and i realize again and again that it will never go away, but then i dont really want it to. things dont matter to me as much as they matter to other people. i cant help it. i always get these odd looks and reactions to things that i do and things that i say, but its who i am... isnt it weird how some things can change you...


--as always

If you're rolling to your left, don't forget I'm on the right

"Get It Together" by Seal

"Now's the time for stepping out of place
Get up on your feet and give account of your faith
Pray to God or something, or whatever you do
What I see can make me stop and stare
But who am I to judge the color of your hair?
Surely y'all are feeling much the same as I do

We got to keep this world together
Got to keep it moving straight
Love like we mean forever
So that people can relate
If you're rolling to your left
Don't forget I'm on the right
Trust and forgive each other
A little love and we just might

Gotta do something
Gotta do something
Gotta do something

Thinking of the troubles of today
Is it easier to put that gun away
Or is it difficult to stop the world and show you care
Everything and everyone we know is beautiful
Surely you will be the guide in light to see us all
Maybe we can be the vision of a perfect man's dream

We got to keep this world together
Got to keep it moving straight
Love like we mean forever
So that people can relate
If you're rolling to your left
Don't forget I'm on the right
Trust and forgive each other
A little love and we just might

I have something
Do you have something?
Cause I have something for you
I have something
Do you have something?
Cause I have something for you
I have something
Do you have something?
Cause I have something for you
I have something for you

We got to keep this world together
Got to keep it moving straight
Love like we mean forever
So that people can relate
If you're rolling to your left
Don't forget I'm on the right
Trust and forgive each other
A little love and we just might

We got to keep this world together
Got to keep it moving straight
Love like we mean each other
So that people can relate
If you're rolling to your left
Don't forget I'm on the right
Trust and forgive each other
A little love and we just might, just might"

tonight i went to the Devil's Punchbowl and i stared up at the sky for hours, just looking at the stars. such peace and serenity cant be found anywhere else but in that perfect stillness. and yet, it isn't still. in fact, it's anything but still. the light pollution is so little there that you can easily see the belt of the Milky Way. an amazing sight. awe inspiring.

several millennia from now our sister galaxy will collide with us and at such a time, if your world is not ripped from the heavens, you would be able to see the two crossing belts. and what a sight that would be. unfortunately you would have to be on a world other than Earth, but still on the outer horizon, to get the full effect; because our sun will most likely expand into a red giant and consume our lovely little planet in the next few thousand centuries.

given the fact that from our lovely little planet we can only truly see our local cluster, and then brief glimpses of other sections of the universe with the aid of technology (the feat, however, is still rather remarkable), it is safe to assume that the universe is truly very vast. given all of that vastness, it could also be safe to assume that, given all probability, there could be other sentient, intelligent life out there. they may look nothing like us and may even be much better than, or smarter than us... or even just the opposite...

i was contemplating the story of Horton and his Whos... the Whos were unable to fully comprehend the vastness and the largeness of Horton's world. they could not fully grasp that they were, essentially, pollen. so small in comparison to what else was out there; and even on top of Horton's world, which was exponentially larger than the Whos' world, there was the great expanses beyond Horton's world that were even more so exponentially larger... what if?... what if we are the Whos? what if there is another exponentially larger world out there, beyond our universe, our little clover, and then what if there is an even larger world beyond that? another universe that is so very much larger than ours? so large that we cannot even fathom its size...

in light of all of this, and in light of the possibility that there could be other life out there in our universe, or even our galaxy... doesn't it seem that most of our problems and quarrels are petty and irrelevant? think about the movie Wall-E. think about all of the satellites in orbit... those satellites are really there, we just leave them there when we are done with them. meteorites enter our atmosphere every single day. if a meteorite hits a satellite and causes it to fall towards earth, many horrible things could happen.

now ask yourself, what would happen if we all decide that we should do something to help ourselves and to help each other on a scale that is larger than just the level of 'you cut me off' and 'she stole my boyfriend'? what do you think would happen? i, for one, think that things would end much better for us as a people, the people of Earth. if we all worked together to keep our planet alive and well, we would stay alive and well, and that means that we could focus on better things, like exploring this great expanse that we call the universe and what may be beyond it...
after all, we could be pollen...

--as always

You know that when the truth is told that you can get what you want or you can just get old...

"Vienna" by Billy Joel

"Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart
Tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right, you're right

You got your passion
You got your pride
But don't you know only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook
And disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize Vienna waits for you?
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?"

thanks Billy.

--as always

I write it everyday

this is more like the song of the day for yesterday, but whatever...

"The Story Of My Life" by Jon Bon Jovi

"Yesterday's a memory, another page of history
You sell yourself for hopes and dreams
That leaves you feeling sideways
Tripping over my own feet, trying to walk to my own beat
Another car out on the street trying to find the highway
Hey, are you going my way?

This is the story of my life
And I write it everyday
I know it isn't black and white
And it's anything but gray
I know that, no, I'm not alright
But I'll be ok 'cause
Anything can, everything can happen
That's the story of my life

I'm gonna write the melody that's gonna make history
Yeah, and when I paint my masterpiece
I swear I'll show you first
There just ain't a way to see who, when, why, or what will be
Til now is then it's a mystery, a blessing and a curse
Or something worse, yeah

This is the story of my life
And I write it everyday
I know it isn't black and white
And it's anything but gray
I know that, no, I'm not alright
But I'll be ok 'cause
Anything can, everything can
I've been thinking
Maybe you can help me write the story of my life
Hey, whaddaya say?

This is the story of my life
And I write it everyday
And I hope the you're by my side
When I'm writing the last page

This is the story of my life
And I write it everyday
I know it isn't black and white
And it's anything but gray
I know that, no, I'm not alright
But I'll be ok 'cause
Anything can, everything can
I've been thinking
Baby, we can!

This is the story of my life
The story of my life
The story of my life

This is the story of my life
The story of my life
This is the story of my life"

i absolutely adore Jon Bon Jovi!
i am really going to miss all of you when you go off your separate ways. we are writing the stories of our lives everyday and we are going to exciting and interesting new places! you guys are all so great, and i know that you have a great impact in my life and on the story of my life, if you will.
hanging out at Nikki's today with Woody, Paige, Grace and Sara was tons of fun and i am super excited for comic con this coming week! It's going to be amazing! such memories i will cherish for the rest of my life! :)

--as always

Where have all the ho-hos gone?

i was in the grocery store the other day and i always look for the caramel ho-hos because i would get them on the off chance that they still carry them in stock. after all, they were an integral part of my childhood. but when i was in area where the ho-hos were supposed to be, there were absolutely NO ho-hos... what's up with that?!? i mean, i can understand the lack of caramel ho-hos because they haven't had those in forever (or what seems like forever), but this time there were no ho-hos to be found whatsoever... but man, those zingers are back and popular. where did they come from and why have they ousted the ho-hos? it's not fair!

i suppose that's all i have to say on that topic...

--as always

mmm, brownies...

so i need to have the house cleaned by tomorrow, or rather, for tomorrow, which is actually today. i just like to call it 'tomorrow' because it makes me feel as if i have more time to get all of this stuff done. besides, i haven't gone to sleep yet and i dont want to feel like this night was a complete waste. ... which it wasnt, after all, i made some delicious brownies. i took the regular brownie mix and added toffee bits to it and then i poured caramel over the top of the whole thing once it was in the baking pan... the only problem is that i had to stay awake until it was done baking. which, by the way, took more than the prescribed amount of time (note to self)...

anyways, after fighting spider battles and cleaning up the war zone that was my room after IB test results and after watching 3 episodes of SGA... i am just a bit sleepy... and by just a bit, i mean i feel like i could spontaneously lose consciousness at any moment. which is entirely possible, i should know, it happened earlier today.

...anyways, all i can say is: sleep sounds pretty darn good right now.


--as always