in light of the holiday season

if i was to write down all of the things that go "wrong" over the holiday seasons (ie: this quarter of the year) i'd have a novel....

but. since the holiday season is about being grateful and happy and all that jazz, i might as well list the highlights of the season so far...
(let's leave out thanksgiving, shall we?)


- my mother comes home with even more outside holiday light-up things... a snowman and a snowflake this time... i sigh and raise an eyebrow. she looks at me and says "what? decorations make me happy." ... she then proceeds to complain about how the christmas tree isnt up and how she still has to write christmas cards.
... merry christmas, mom...

- i'm putting up the tree again, for the 4th year in a row... i level it out with magazines and put it together and put the lights on it and everything... then i dont feel like doing anything more with it (plus mother was complaining about how i always put the garland on wrong... how? i have no idea...) so i didnt do anything more. i basically told my family: you put the ornaments up... and they did. :)

- this year, nothing is a surprise... but i will pretend to be surprised, and they will never know the difference...

- went to my aunt's place in San Diego. she got me a bag that looks like a an upside-down cassette tape (complete with sides A and B) and real 45 record bookends. (45s that have been bent with heat and made into bookends... they are copies that came out in Britain...)
she is the only relative who truly understands me (better than my parents even, which isnt all that hard...)

- my dad and i were hanging up the light-up snowflake and it fell and broke... (nothing i cant fix...) my dad and i spent 10 minutes in JoAnn's debating about which glue works best for binding plastic.

- me: "can i play music over the house speakers?"
mom: "is it christmas music?"
me: "no."
she let me play it anyway and then gave me a confused look later that day when she saw that my mood had improved...

- the depression came early, or earlier than i had expected. so i have been fighting it by being really nice and helpful around my mother, and i have been acting very positive, which contradicts her general holiday complaining mood. i have successfully found ways around every issue and problem that she can find and i have been very matter-of-fact and it-will-all-be-okay around her... it drives her crazy... which, consequently, is the one thing that almost always seems to brighten my mood, depression or no depression...



fun times...

--as always

i feel...

i feel sick.

my friend Yvee has a boyfriend! yay!
... i cant quite put my finger on why this sort of thing always makes me feel a little bit sick... but it does. maybe its because dating always stresses me out. maybe its because it seems like i havent had that much luck with guys... maybe its because...

i guess it doesnt really matter... the feeling will pass, i'm sure.



but i still do feel sick...




--as always