one day...

once upon a time, in a land far, far away...

weeelll.... once upon a time, sure, once upon a time in french class in junior or senior year. i cant really remember, but i'm pretty sure that it was senior year, but i could be wrong.... i don't know. like i said, i don't remember...

anyways, Madame Andrews asked us to write about something that we regretted, or regrets that we had, something we wish we had not done or something that we wish did not happen: regrets. and so, everyone started writing. writing about that time when they did this silly thing, or stole that, or their parents got a divorce, or whatever... but everyone was writing and looking up words in the dictionary.... everyone except me.

i don't have any regrets, not a single thing, and i told Madame this, or said something to that effect and she said the most peculiar thing.... she said "everyone has regrets" well then, Madame, who are you to decide what is and what isn't?? people can live without regrets. i do every day of my life; and no one can tell me that i will one day have regrets or i will one day do something that i wish i hadn't.

one day. one day? i may be young, but i'm no stranger to life changing decisions, or stupid choices... i once almost killed myself, i don't regret it. i once almost walked away from the greatest thing that ever happened in my life, don't regret that either. fell in love.... watched people die... let people go... held on to others... why should i regret the things that shape my life and make me who i am??

i couldn't.... i don't.

Madame didn't believe me... i guess some people are too stuck in their ways, too caught up in their closed little worlds... i didn't do the assignment. why should i lie? i don't regret it.

--as always

And who's to say that it's not right

"Hundred" by The Fray

"The how I can't recall

Now I'm staring at what once was the wall

That separated East and West

And now they meet amidst the broad daylight

So this is where you are

And this is where I am

Somewhere between unsure

And a hundred

It's hard, I must confess

Now I'm banking on the rest to clear away

Cause we have spoken everything

Everything short of I love

You right where you are

From right where I am

Somewhere between unsure

And a hundred

Somewhere between unsure

And a hundred

And who's to say it's wrong?

And who's to say that it's not right

Where we should be for now?

So this is where you are

And this is where I am

So this is where you are

And this is where I've been

And this is where I've been

Somewhere between unsure

And a hundred"

--as always

"...it was a bad day, bad things happened..."

Spring break was..... well, not that much of a break. Magic Mountain was fun, though. the only real break i got this past week... i cant really remember what i did in the mornings... oh wait, yes i do. i was sleeping. but that's only because i didnt go to sleep until 5 each morning. i'd stay up all night and go to sleep around 5, and then i'd wake up around 10. after that i'd eat and get dressed and whatever else, then i'd watch stargate or do something until i went to work. fun stuff.

this week went pretty well, actually, until i took some advice about 'getting more sleep'... no, that wasnt it. it was... "get yourself on a 'normal' sleep pattern"... yeah.... followed that advice on thursday night. the next morning i slept through my alarm, and was 'late' to work (except for that i cant really be 'late')... missed a few more things that day, including bible talk, because i was distracted and whatnot. thought maybe it was a fluke and so i went to bed at a 'normal' time again that night. slept through the alarm again on saturday morning. all the plans that i had for the morning had to be scrubbed and/or pushed back. i still managed to do all that i wanted to, but it took me a bit longer because i felt disoriented. under the philosophy of "third times the charm" i went to bed at a 'normal' time again last night. slept through my alarm again and when i woke up it was 10:30 and i was late to church. still felt disoriented and i had trouble focusing. left my wallet at home and there were other things that i forgot to do...

anyways... i think i've given that advice a fair shot. didnt work out so well. besides, who said that my sleep pattern was irregular? and 'normal' is subjective.... i'll go to sleep when i want to. it works out quite well for me, thank you very much.

Goodbye spring break...

--as always

now it's morning

good morning all, whoever 'all' is...

so... i realized, between shots of Mountain Dew, that my house gets very cold at night and also that i have become very efficient. cool beans.

the carbonation in the mountain dew is gone now.... this makes me sad.

i watched The Eleventh Hour episode of Doctor Who. i must say, i approve of Matt Smith, although i wish that he would choose a regular tie over the bow tie. i sort of feel sad that they replaced EVERYTHING. Matt Smith got a new everything: sonic screwdriver, wardrobe (even though that was a given), TARDIS, lady friend, theme song, logo.... new everything. what's up with that? not all of it is bad, it's just... new.

anyways, looking forward to today... i guess.

--as always

On the subject of Dreams

Not 'hopes and dreams' dreams but dreams from when you are sleeping. (just to clarify)

reasons why i hate dreaming/dreams:

- my dreams are crazy weird and consist of one random thing after another put into some sort of 'maybe this could be logical' sequence

- my brain gets all confuzzled right when i wake up and i am not always sure if what i am remembering actually happened or not

- my dreams are almost always very vivid and have strong emotions attached to them, so when i wake up, my body sometimes has random hormone fluctuations. usually high levels epinephrine

the thing i hate the most is when i have a dream where someone dies, or something bad happens and then i wake up and i can hardly breathe and then i cant go back to sleep because my body is coursing with adrenaline... that happens to me a lot these days...

reasons why i like dreaming (it only seemed fair):

- sometimes i find my dreams quite humorous, when i absolutely know that they are dreams...

anyways... i gotta get up early tomorrow...

--as always