There's no such thing as the real world

"No Such Thing" by John Mayer

""Welcome to the real world"
She said to me, condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white

Well I never lived the dreams
Of the prom kings and the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
That something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls
Take the so called 'right track'
Faded white hats, grabbing credits
Maybe transfers
They read all the books
But they can't find the answers

All of our parents, they're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories, tiny tragedies

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
As long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait for my ten year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for"

i never really felt like i had the 'normal' high school experience. i understand that life is not always as structured as high school and isn't as intense, by far... but still, i never really felt pressured to be something in high school. perhaps that's because i never really cared what anyone else thought, but i suppose i just felt free to be myself... if that makes any sense. i've always believed that the 'real' world is what you make it and not what somebody else tells you it is... so that's what i'm sticking to.

--as always

Reflections

it's 2 am and i have been watching Grey's Anatomy for the past two hours because:
a) it was there
b) i can't sleep
and c) i have nothing better to do
so i just finished watching the holiday episode, more specifically, the christmas episode. as the episode ends it shows three of the main characters (Izzy, Meredith, and George) laying under the christmas tree and looking up at the lights... as i watched this i thought about christmas and the holidays and my traditions and habits. (of all holidays, not just christmas)

so, here you go:

1) i lay under our tree and look up at the lights, i've done that ever since i was little... i have always considered it one of the highlights of the season.
2) i love the idea of giving gifts and being generous, but in general i hate holidays
3) i hate turkey. in fact, i hate almost everything about thanksgiving
4) i like fireworks; so automatically new year's and the 4th of July are on my good list.
5) halloween is fun; i like candy, i like dressing up in costumes and i like kids, so it's hard to go wrong
6) there's not much to say about easter... as a kid i used to love easter, but it was more for the challenge, the puzzle, of finding all the eggs... plus, what kid doesn't love an opportunity to get tons of candy?
7) i always liked st. patrick's day because when i was in grade school we would always make these little traps to catch the leprechauns... it never worked, thought... i wonder why ;p ... now the only reason i like it is because it is associated with the color green, and green is a cool color (plus, i don't dis any color but pink); i do however hate the fact that people insist on pinching you if you don't wear green... who cares!?!
8) valentine's day.... ahh. well, it has some negatives right off the bat... the whole pink bit and all... but i must admit that i like the idea of having a day designated for spending time with that special someone. i do however think that if you want to spend time with, or do something special for, that special someone, you should. no matter what day it is.
9) i hate christmas. my mother loves christmas. enough said...
jk. i guess christmas always makes me sad... i hate decorating, but i do like the lights. and the tree is ok too. but i hate all the fuss. cant people just relax and enjoy the freaking holiday? you know, sit and have a cup of hot chocolate and just relax?? seriously!
10) april fool's day has got to be one of my favorites, for obvious reasons.... pranks are just downright fun :)

holidays suck when you have to spend them with family that you don't want to be with; and rock when you spend them with friends. people get all weird around the holidays and they start to act differently, when in all honestly, we can do the things that we do on holidays on any given day of the year, but we don't...
huh.

--as always

let's talk

so i am sitting here at 1 am and i can't sleep. again. ... but it's ok. i knew this might happen so it's ok... i'm going to hawaii in the morning and i don't really care. i suppose that's the worst part of this whole thing. the not caring. i know i do care, i just don't....

the other part that sucks about all this is the deep, deep feeling... that ache that you can't get rid of and can't ignore because it's always there and always rearing it's ugly head like a headache that won't go away or a thorn in your foot that you feel every time you take a step, but you can't see so you can't remove it... that's the part i hate the most...

anyways, enough with the stupid rant that no one cares about. here's the thing: i am going away for a week and will be out of touch, and that isn't all that big of a deal. what makes this so significant is that, with what i'm going through, i am and have been feeling really lonely, i suppose... so feel free to call or text or IM me any time, day or night. no joke. i will most likely be awake or in some state of consciousness, so please, if you want to talk, talk. i'm here. and i might just need someone to talk to in order to keep me from going insane... :P

--as always

Let's waste time chasing cars

"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol

"We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?"


One of my favorite songs... i suppose i have many of those. not much else to say.

--as always

uh, please forgive the weirdness

i would like to apologize in advance to anyone i might treat weirdly over the next, oh i don't know, month or so.

sigh

it's funny how naturally it comes after so long. i could do the math but i don't feel like it... it's the apathy, it comes with the whole shebang. that's a fun word. shebang. yeah

to tell you the truth, i've known for about two weeks now. and i find it odd that i automatically start fighting it. it's really interesting how much it's changed me. anyways, i'm rambling and it really doesn't matter. the apathy has kicked in which means that i might start treating people funny, saying weird things, talking about death, acting strange; but it's ok. i've done this many, many times.

it's good. trust me.
but i do warn you ahead of time.

coolio


--as always