The board is set, the pieces are moving...

Well, mom has just gone to Michigan and shall be gone for over a month. Daddy and Matt will be leaving fairly soon as well, and then I shall be all on my own. This is the part I look forward to: being able to do things the way that I want to. It happens so rarely... I love it when I get that chance. There's no struggling with the feeling of things being illogical, there's no issues with when and/or how things get done, they just get done. I'm always so relaxed when I have the house to myself; it seems so comforting somehow.

I'm looking forward to going out whenever I want and coming back home whenever I want. Making plans, going to see movies, staying out all day or all night. (not that there is much to do in the AV at night...) I have so many things I want to do. Quite an eventful summer I have planned. :)


--as always

And I can see that I'm not blind

"Good Intentions" by Toad and the Wet Sprocket

"It's hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head's full of things that I can't mention
It seems I usually get things right
But I can't understand what I did last night

It's hard to rely on my own good senses
When miss so much that requires attention
I have to laugh at myself sometimes
And I can see that I'm not blind

There's little relief
Give us reprieve, oh
For all the things I've left behind
I'm positive that I'm not blind

I'm not afraid things won't get better
But it feels like this has gone on forever
You have to cry with your own blue tears
Have to laugh with your own good cheer

And it's hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head's full of things that I can't mention
It seems I usually get things right
But I can't understand what I did last night

There's little relief
Give us reprieve, oh
Imagining the world outside
I'm positive that I'm not blind

I can't be hard on you
'Cause you know I've been there too
Learned a lot of things from you

But life gives little release
Give us reprieve, oh
And when everyone is cold as ice
I clench my fists and close my eyes
Imagining the world outside
And I can see that I'm not blind"



To be able to see all the color in life is an ability that is fast becoming extinct. Even though we all do things that we later think "Why did I do that?" and we all make mistakes, those little things are what make life so interesting and so special. Those things and those times are what help us to know that we are alive.


~~~


Went to lunch with Nikki today. Tons of fun. :)
We were at Mahli's and they were playing very progressive Indian music videos and there was this one video where this couple was practically having sex on this platform/spa/bed thing in a jungle and then the camera panned up to reveal Batman. Nikki and I both had a good laugh. Then there was ice cream at the new gelato place and more fun times.



My dad and I are having a fun filled weekend. we are having a movie marathon. it's gonna be tons and tons of fun.... and also very expensive... oh well. :)




--as always

Then why are you crying?

This latest Doctor Who episode really got me thinking about the human psyche and about how complex it is, and maybe Freud really wasn't such a nut.... anyways, it got me thinking about people. Society these days is so unforgiving, and we as individuals are very hard on ourselves... There was this bit in the episode where Vincent and Amy are talking; it goes as follows:
Vincent: ... If Amy Pond can soldier on then so can Vincent Van Gogh.
Amy: I'm not 'soldiering on,' I'm fine.
Vincent: Oh Amy, I hear the song of your sadness. You've lost someone, I think.
Amy: I'm not sad
Vincent: Then why are you crying?
Amy then wipes a tear from her face.

I think that what was said there is a very true reflection of what really happens to some people, the strong people... the people that you always see holding up under the pressure and always offering help to others, the ones that you never see cry. I know that in Doctor Who there are special circumstances surrounding Amy's sadness and her loss of understanding of why she is sad, but i do wonder. I wonder if it is possible for someone to be truly sad but not to really know it. Maybe someone who is so accustomed to being strong and solid as a rock that their psyche tricks them into thinking that they are not really hurt or sad when something happens to them, or in their life. Someone who is so accustomed to being someone else's shoulder that they don't know how to need a shoulder. I think it is possible for someone to cry about something without knowing what it is they are crying about. Maybe there are just some things that hurt so much, too much... so much that our psyche pushes the pain into our subconscious where we don't really know about it. Maybe Freud wasn't such a nut...


--as always

We're not that different after all

"The Minnow And The Trout" by A Fine Frenzy

"Help me out,
Said the minnow to the trout
I was lost and found
Myself swimming in your mouth
Oh, help me chief,
I got plans for you and me
I swear upon this riverbed
I'll help you feel young again

Oh, not your everyday circumstance
The hummingbird
Taking coffee with the ants
And I said

Please, I know that we're different
But we were one cell in the sea in the beginning
And what we're made of was all the same once
We're not that different after all

Help me up, said the eagle to the duck
I've fallen from my nest so high above
Oh, help me fly
I am too afraid to try
Now saddled with a fear of heights
I'm praying you can set me right

Oh, not your everyday circumstance
The elephant
Sharing peanuts with the rats
And I said

Please, I know that we're different
But we were one cell in the sea in the beginning
And what we're made of was all the same once
We're not that different after all

We are tied in history
Wide-connected like a family
We are tied in history
Wide-connected like a family, a family

So, please, I know that we're different
But we were one cell in the sea in the beginning
And what we're made of was all the same
Was all the same
We're not that different after all"



Be kind to your neighbor.




--as always