Apparently we all live in concrete rooms

There is so much house work to do it's ridiculous. New goal: don't own a large house. It's amazing what kind of mess that only two boys can create. I'm chasing after them all day long, cleaning up after them wherever they go. They make such a mess! I'll have to remember that for when I have children.


It also seems to me that the world is devoid of imagination or any sort of creative thinking. People keep talking to me about my life plans, but can't seem to grasp that the timing is all relative and circumstantial... Is it so hard to grasp the idea of "cross that bridge when I get to it"?? I think people just think in concrete blocks, no room for movement or possibilities. It' s frustrating. I could say more, but I shouldn't. I'd just get too angry...





--as always

I braved a hundred storms to leave you

"Turning Tables" by Adele

"Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you what you think you give me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you, ooh
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you what you think you give me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you what you think you give me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Turning tables"




I never wanted to be my mother. I think every person has a moment like that, where they think that they don't want to turn out like one or both of their parents. I don't want to be like my mother, as much as I love her. I have worked hard to shape myself and my behaviors to be independent and better than those of my parents. In a way, as a result of my dedication to the issue, I have become a sort of black sheep in my family. The one who is the most sane.

It feels good being so separate from all of the intense crazy that goes on in this house. It feels good to be so different. I hope that my mother can see everything that I do and everything that is different about me and not feel offended. I hope she can understand, but I don't know if she will. I never want to be like that.

It's is my greatest fear, though. I fear that I will end up doing the things that my mother does, or even the things that my dad does. I don't know how to stop it from happening. All I can do is hope that I'll recognize it if it happens.

Hunter is learning that my family stories are not exaggerated. I hope he has faith that I won't become my mother. I hope that I have faith enough.












--as always