And this is everything we need

"Take It All" by Adele

"Didn't I give it all, tried my best
Gave you everything I had
Everything and no less
Didn't I do it right? Did I let you down?
Maybe you got too used to
Having me around

Still how can you walk away
From all my tears
It's gonna be an empty road
Without me right here

But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don't look back at this crumbling fool
Just take it all with my love
Take it all with my love

Maybe I should leave to help you see
Nothing gets better than this
And this is everything we need
So is it over? Is this really it?
You're giving up so easily
I thought you loved me more than this

But go on, go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don't look back at this crumbling fool
Just take it all with my love
Take it all with my love

I will change if I must
Slow it down and bring it home, I will adjust
Oh, if only, if only you knew
That everything I do is for you

But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don't look back at this crumbling fool
Just take it
Take it all with you
Don't look back at this crumbling fool
Just take it all with my love
Take it all with my love
Take it all with my love"




I sang this song today for my voice class. I wore really tall heels, though and I almost fainted.  I think I did pretty well though, This weekend is my church's annual Woman's Day and I will be singing a version of "To Make You Feel My Love."  The last time I sang this song in public I had a bunch of people tell me that they really love that Adele song.  I had to refrain from lecturing them on how that particular song had been covered many different times by many different artists and that the original was written and performed by Bob Dylan... Oh well, that's the world I live in now...



--as always

Could I hold on to you

"City" by Sara Bareilles

"There's a harvest each Saturday night
At the bars filled with perfume
And hitching a ride
A place you could stand for one night
And get gone

And it's clear this conversation
Ain't doing a thing
'Cause these boys only listen to me when I sing
And I don't feel like singing tonight
Oh, the same song

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could I hold you

The situation's always the same
You've got your wolves in their clothes
Whispering Hollywood's name
Stealing gold from the silver they see
But it's not me

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could I hold you

Calling out
Somebody same me I feel like I'm fading away
Am I gone?
Calling out
Somebody save me I feel like I'm fading

No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no, no
Deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could I hold on to you"







--as always

I tell myself all the things he surely meant to say

"Between The Lines" by Sara Bareilles

"Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
'Cause I can't continue
Pretending to choose
These opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
I'm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
That I could have sworn
I'd heard him say it ten thousand times
Oh, if only I had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought I, thought I was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late, two choices
To stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So I learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always be

I tell myself all the things he surely meant to say
Talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
"Wait for me, I'm almost ready"
When he meant "Let go"

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines
Between the lines"



This song is so beautiful and so tragically sad.  I think that's why I love it so much.  The tragic beauty.









--as always

And I find new colors to think in

"Red" by Sara Bareilles

"I've been down I've been out
I did it all on my own
It seems growing up
Didn't take long
I feel strange, I feel good
I feel better with you
You've changed, you should
'Cause I think I did too

Made my mistakes
I did a few things right
But it will take what it will take
Baby, that's life
You cannot change what you do not own
Everybody knows
But if you live deep and love strong
You get pretty damn close

It moves fast and it scares me
I close my eyes, oh but I still see

I'm fading in and out
What are you supposed to do save me now
From all of this danger you don't know how
And I'll find my way out
When I'm in the red
Listening to strangers inside my head
The darkening angels beneath the bed
I still see everything you said
Crimson in red

I shake and I smile
'Cause you said
Baby girl it may take a while
But take the good from the bad
And neverminds are never sure
So never leave them wanting more
What are you waiting for
How you love is who you are

I dive in and I sink in
And I find new colors to think in

I'm fading in and out
What are you supposed to do save me now
From all of this danger you don't know how
And I'll find my way out
When I'm in the red
Listening to strangers inside my head
The darkening angels beneath the bed
I still see everything you said
Crimson in red

In the distance
Is a line defining where I've been
The state I'm in
And ever since it began to slip
From my two hands I've been
Taunting fire, touching wires
Been believing liars
Everything they said
Painted in red
Painted in red
Painted in red

I am fading in and out
What are you gonna do
Save me now
From all of this danger you don't know how
I'll find my way out
When I'm in the red
Listening to strangers inside my head
The darkening angels beneath the bed
I still see what you said

What are you gonna do
No way for you to save me
What are you gonna do
Everything that you gave me
Is painted in red"






--as always

Only close my eyes and you are here with me

"One Sweet Love" by Sara Bareilles

"Just about the time the shadows call
I undress my mind and dare you to follow
Paint a portrait of my mystery
Only close my eyes and you are here with me

A nameless face to think I see
Can sit and watch the waves with me
Until they're gone
A heart I'd swear I'd recognize
Is made out of my own devices
Could I be wrong?

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted
My piece of one sweet love

Sleepless nights you creep inside of me
Paint your shadows on the breath that we share
You take more than just my sanity
You take my reason not to care

No ordinary wings I need
The sky itself will carry me back to you
The things I dream that I can do
I'd open up the moon for you
Just come down soon

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted
My piece of one sweet love
Ready and waiting
For a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in
The name of one sweet love

Savor the sorrow to soften the pain
Sip on the southern rain
As I do I don't look, don't touch
Don't do anything
And hope that there is a you

The earth that is the space between
I banish it from under me to get to you
Your unexpected love provides
My solitary's suicide
Oh, I wish I knew

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted
My piece of one sweet love
Ready and waiting
For a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in
The name of one sweet love
One sweet love"







This song speaks to me.  I used to wonder if the guy I had been dreaming of was really out there, or if I had already met the guy I was meant to be with and I had my chance and let it go.  But he was out there, the man I had been dreaming of, the man whom I never saw coming.  I am so blessed to have him and I am so relieved that I don't have to settle, for an honest mistake or otherwise! I have my one sweet love. :)



--as always

Saying things no words could ever do

"Hold My Heart" by Sara Bareilles

"I never meant to be the one to let you down
If anything I thought I saw myself going first
I didn't know how to stick around
How to see anybody but me be getting hurt

I keep remembering the summer night
And the conversation breaking up the mood
I didn't want to tell you you were right
Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too

Does anybody know
How to hold my heart
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go
Too soon

I want to tell you so
Before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go
Of you
Hey

I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies
But the truth is you've been hiding from it too
I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes
Saying things no words could ever do

Does anybody know
How to hold my heart
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go
Too soon

I want to tell you so
Before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go
Of you

Is anybody listening
'Cause I'm crying
Is anybody listening

Does anybody know
How to hold my heart
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go
Too soon

I want to tell you so
Before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go
Of you

Does anybody know
How to hold my heart
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go
Too soon

I want to tell you so
Before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go
I don't want to let go, let go of you
I don't want to let go"



This song makes me feel sad.  It also makes me really grateful for Hunter.  I know that when Hunter and I get into a fight or a disagreement we always try to work it out.  We don't walk away or give up on each other.  I know that he loves me and that he knows how to love me, and I know that he knows I love him and I know how to love him.  It's also a wonderful thing that we can continue to grow in that area, of learning and knowing how to love each other.

I've been having a lot of bad dreams lately, in most of them something happens to Hunter or to both of us and I end up losing him in some way, or almost losing him.  The images are so strong that I wake up and can almost still see them.  This song also reminds me about how I feel: that I don't want to lose Hunter and I don't want to let go of him.



--as always

I'm resigned to simply live in your wake

"Undertow" by Sara Bareilles

"Silly me, look what I did again
I found what I want is what I cannot have
I didn't mean to be so predictable
But I blame it all on who made you irresistible

And it isn't something I need
'Till you tell me I can't
Why wear my heart on my sleeve
It looks so good in your hands

My heart breaks in a heart beat
And you storm me when you come and go
The taste of something so sweet
Should have warned me about the undertow
No, I couldn't find a better man to let me go

Little girl, I don't know why you stay
If I had a feather for every time
Daddy said that I could fly away
'Cause old habits are so hard to break
It'd be a shame to stop now that
I've started to make really good mistakes

I don't know why I must ask
For the forbidden fruit
I saw the snake in the grass
But I had bitten too soon

My heart breaks in a heart beat
And you storm me when you come and go
The taste of something so sweet
Should have warned me about the undertow
No, I couldn't find a better man to let me go

I should have seen you coming in
Should recognize the signs a wave's gonna break
Now I've given in, why fight it when
I'm resigned to simply live in your wake
Your wake

My heart breaks in a heart beat
And you storm me when you come and go
Taste of something so sweet
Should have warned me about the undertow
No, I couldn't find a better man to let me go
No, no, no, no
I couldn't find a better man to let me go"



This beautiful song is on Sara's debut album Careful Confessions.  I just love this song. It is so gorgeous and moving.






--as always

I could rage, and you'd bring rain

"Morningside" by Sara Bareilles

"I'm not scared of you now or so I say
There's no reason to run, although I may
I'm not as sure as I seem, this much I know
What does it mean when you leave and I follow

I could try to forget what you do
When I let you get through to me
But then you do it over again
I could rage like a fire
And you'd bring rain I desire
'Till you get to me on my morningside

Oh, yeah

Keep my distance, I tried
No use, no
But no matter the miles
I'm back to you

I could try to forget what you do
When I let you get through to me
But then you do it over again
I could rage like a fire
And you'd bring rain I desire
'Till you get to me on my morningside
Let me down, you say never
Baby blues, don't you ever
I'm used to being one with the misfortune to find
Afternoons run for cover and full moons just wonder
What it looks like here on my morningside

Look back
Don't you dare let me start to do that
I don't care if the things that I have
Only make me afraid to lose
I need to let go
Need to want to keep letting you know
That we both have a reason to follow
As long as we let this lead
I'm barely breathing

Try to forget what you do to me
But then you do it over again
I could rage, and you'd bring rain
'Till you get to me on my morningside
Let me down, you say never
Baby, don't you ever
I'm used to being one with the misfortune to find
Afternoons run for cover and full moons just wonder
What it looks like here on my morningside

Oh, oh, oh
Yeah"



Today starts a week of Sara.  I have really been in love with Sara Bareilles lately.  I really love this song and I can't quite explain why I love it.  It speaks to me, I guess, but more than that it has a certain beauty to it vocally and rhythmically.  Anyways, thus starts the week of Sara.




--as always

The one thing that I still know

"Gravity" by Sara Bareilles

"Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me
And all over me

Oh
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me
And all over me

I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down, ooh

You're keeping me down
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

You're on to me, on to me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long"




I sang this song today in my voice class.  I really love this song.  It is so beautiful and so moving and so sad.  The gravity of her words are so touching and I feel the emotion in the notes of the piano and of the vocals.  This is one of my favorite songs because of that reason.  The emotion is just so palpable.
It was really cool to be able to sing this song.  I have wanted a chance to sing it ever since I first heard it, but I never had a good occasion to until now.  I'm really loving this voice class. :)







--as always

Take a leap

Happy Leap Day!! This wonderful day only comes around once every four years, just like presidential elections, only better!  I've been looking at all the deals that are going on today at various places, it's pretty awesome! Here are some of them:

Payless: 29% off on all merchandise
Subway: Free cookie with any order
Denny's 29% off your entire check
IHOP: Free pancake
Staples: Storewide sales
Disneyland: Open 24 hours
Banana Republic: 29% off regular priced merchandise
GAP: 15% off regular priced merchandise
Old Navy: 15% off regular priced merchandise
ACE Hardware: 29% off of $30 with coupon
McDonald's: various sales




Yay for Leap Day!!









--as always

Picture This

Hunter and I went to Santa Barbara today to take our engagement photos. It was so much fun! We went to a great park, then we went to the Santa Barbara Mission. After that we went to lunch and then to the Monarch Butterfly preserve towards the evening.  It was such a wonderful day!!! Hunter and I really liked Robert and his photography style.  I am really excited to see what the pictures turn out like. =)  I had so much fun just going and spending all day with Hunter and taking pictures with him.  :) I really love him, so very much.  I am super excited to be marrying him!

The wedding plans are coming along quite well. :) We have most of the details down already and the rest are in the works.  I still have some details to work out regarding my things, details, elements... however they should be called. Some clothing things, some hair things, so minor details. :)  In the end, though, I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!



--as always

This is our fate, I'm yours

So, school has started and I am really enjoying my classes.  They are wonderful classes and the teachers are great. :) I'm glad that it's finally here.  And now it's already Valentine's Day.  I'm super excited about Valentine's Day this year.  Hunter has a date planned for tonight and I have a great gift for him that I hope he'll really love. All I know right now is that he is coming over to make me dinner. =D

"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz

"Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks and now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well, open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love

Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A la peaceful melody
And it's your god-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
So I drew a new face and laughed

I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure

There's no need to complicate
(Well, open up your mind and see like me)
Our time is short
(Open up your plans and damn you're free)
It cannot wait, I'm yours
(Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love)

No, I won't hesitate
(Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me)
No more, no more
(A la one big family)
It cannot wait, I'm sure
(It's your god-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved)

There's no need to complicate
(Open up your mind and see like me)
Our time is short
(Open up your plans and damn you're free)
This is our fate, I'm yours
(Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love)

No, please don't complicate
(Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me)
Our time is short
(A la happy family)
This is our fate, I'm yours
(It's our god-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved)

No, please don't hesitate
(Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me)
No more, no more
(A la peaceful melody)
It cannot wait, the sky is yours
(It's your god-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved)"






--as always

Can time speed up?

I can't believe that there are still two weeks left until school starts. I feel like I've been on vacation for months. It's like January is never going to end... Anyways, on the lighter side of things, my friend Kendra is getting baptized tonight!  :) That's super exciting.  I'm happy for her.  :)

I really should start reading my books for my English class so that I don't have to read them later... oh well...





I guess that's all I have to say...


--as always

The hope is we have so much to feel good about

"Good Life" by One Republic

"Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly
Don't really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone

New names and numbers that I don't know
Address to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night
Night turns to whatever we want
We're young enough to say

Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in LA, they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Colorado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories, but please tell me
What there's to complain about

When you're happy like a fool
You let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cause hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life
A good, good life
Good life
Good life

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in LA, they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Colorado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories, but please tell me
What there's to complain about"




Wedding planning is coming along.  I'm excited that so much of it is getting done before school starts up at the beginning of next month. :) I'm super excited about all of the thing that are getting planned. I'm having some issues with my mom, and that's causing some stress, but I'm sure it will all work out. :)




--as always

And round one goes to...

Wedding planning is coming along quite nicely.  There is a Bridal Show at the fair grounds this coming Sunday, and I've been trying to get all of my stuff booked and scheduled for my date before everyone else gets the same ideas.  I don't want to be left trying to figure out how I'm going to make things work.  So many of the things that need to get done are getting crossed of my list.  It's very relieving.  I am enjoying the reduced stress.

Hunter and I are going to go get engagement pictures done, we just have to figure out when... I am going to be short on available time once the semester starts in February.  I'm sure we'll figure it out.

All this planning stuff can get pretty stressful. I feel like I have to fight everybody just to have my wedding be what I would like it to be, instead of what everyone else wants it to be. My mother is trying to plan her own wedding and have me act it out... which makes me particularly upset because she's had two weddings and I will, God willing, only have one.  I am finding that I have to fight the florist about how many flowers I need, and that I don't actually need huge flower center pieces on the tables... Family is the worst, though, because they think that they are entitled to have their opinion taken into very serious consideration... For my part, I don't care what they think. If they have a good suggestion or idea, I might use it, but this wedding is mine and Hunter's and it should feel like us.  Trying to convince everyone else of that is a real chore.....


Here's to hoping that it all gets easier as things get taken care of, and here's to hoping that no one decides that they will disregard what Hunter and I say and do their own thing.


--as always