A new year, a new place

I am spending New Years in Michigan this year. I leave in under 4 hours, Hunter is taking me to the airport.  I'm here hanging out with Kayla and repainting my nails, because why not, right? Anyways, I'm sort of sad that I don't get to spend New Year's Eve with Hunter, but I'm glad that I will get to see some family.  After all, it might be a little while before I will get a chance to go visit them and Michigan again.  Kayla and I are just staying up all night, no point in trying to sleep.  Hunter is going to pick us up in about an hour, maybe less.  I think I'll sleep on the plane, or planes as it stands.  That will make the time seem to pass faster.

Well, Happy New Year!  I will be celebrating it three hours earlier than I normally would be. Whoo!





--as always

Let's play house?

Yesterday we spent time with Hunter's family.  It was so nice.  We exchanged gifts and we played games and we had waffles for dinner. I got to look at Lathan and Erin's wedding photos. Hunter and I looked at honeymoon places and we are hoping to go to Kauai. His family is so nice. :)

Today we spent time with my family.  Hunter came over for breakfast. Mom made french toast, which is one of Hunter's favorites. After that we opened gifts and Hunter and I got a lot of household things.  A crock pot from my aunt, a popcorn maker from Hunter's mom, a blender, a rice cooker from my parents, bakeware pans from my parents, dinnerware and other related things from my parents, so many gifts. Haha.  I don't know where I'm going to store all of it.  We hung out at my house and had fun and enjoyed each others' company.  Then, in the evening, we went to the church for the Christmas day service.  It was nice.

I'm really excited about all of the wedding planning, but mostly I'm really excited about the wedding.  :)



--as always

Hear my thoughts in every note

Today we spent time with my extended family at my aunt's house.  It was nice.  We had so much food that I could not eat any more even if I tried to.  We opened presents, as is the tradition. :)  I got a crock pot and a crock pot cook book. :)  Which will be awesome for cooking dinner when I have lots of homework or studying to do. Hunter got Jelly Belly jelly beans. He was super excited about it because he loves jelly beans.  He also got two shirts and a tie from my mom and me.

Hunter and I talked about wedding stuff today too. We have put together a guest list and talked about some of the things that need to be decided soon.  We've been looking at pictures and finding out what we want for our pictures.  I've been looking for cake people and Hunter has been looking for houses.  I'm going up to Bakersfield on Tuesday to look at dresses.  I'm trying to get most of the planning done before school starts again.  I don't want to have to take time away from studying or homework to do planning stuff that could have been done earlier. I really need to do well this semester because I'm taking a lot of major specific classes.

It's hard to believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve and that Christmas is here. It seems like it snuck up on me.  Still, I don't know if any gift can top what I already have for Christmas. :)



"Stereo Hearts" by Gym Class Heroes featuring Adam Levine

"My heart's a stereo
It beats for you so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note
Make me your radio
And turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

If I was just another dusty record on the shelf
Would you blow me off and play me like everybody else
If I asked you to scratch my back could you manage that
Like yeah, check it Travie, I can handle that
Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks
It's just the last girl that played me left a couple cracks
I used to, used to, used to, used to, now I'm over that
'Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts

If I could only find a note to make you understand
I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand
Just keep me stuck in your head like your favorite tune
And know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you

My heart's a stereo
It beats for you so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note
Make me your radio
And turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh to my stereo
Oh, oh, oh, oh so sing along to my stereo

Let's go!
If I was an old-school fifty pound boombox (remember them?)
Would you hold me on your shoulder wherever you walk
Would you turn my volume up in front of the cops
And crank it higher every time they told you to stop
And all I ask is that you don't get mad at me
When you have to purchase mad D batteries
Appreciate every mixtape your friends make
You never know, we come and go like on the interstate

I think I finally found a note to make you understand
If you can hit it, sing along and take me by the hand
Just keep me stuck in your head like your favorite tune
You know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you

My heart's a stereo
It beats for you so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note
Make me your radio
And turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh to my stereo
Oh, oh, oh, oh so sing along to my stereo

I only pray you'll never leave me behind (never leave me)
Because good music can be so hard to find (so hard to find)
I take your head and hold it closer to mine
Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind

My heart's a stereo
It beats for you so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note
Make me your radio
And turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh to my stereo
Oh, oh, oh, oh so sing along to my stereo"



--as always

And I wish you all the love in the world

It's been a full few days recently.


Yesterday I had work in the morning, which was mostly play.  The kids are so great, I walked away with tons of loot.  And then I had a date in the afternoon, which was awesome. :) We had four couples the date was in three parts.  First we ate lunch and played games at Hunter's place.  Then we all went on a scavenger hunt at the mall.  We split into two couples each and went around the whole mall.  It was super fun.  After that we went to Barnes and Noble and hung out.  After that the date was technically over, but we all went to Buffalo Wild Wings to eat something.  Which was really awesome because I saw Smity, Woody, Autumn, and Nikki there. :)  After we ate we all went over to Butler's Cafe and played games, which was what we were doing for Bible talk.  All in all, it was a really fun day.

Today was rather busy.  We had dress rehearsal for the Christmas service, which is tomorrow. I'm in two songs tomorrow, a group song and I have a solo.  At least my morning was free and calm, though.  I hardly ever have a free Saturday morning. :)  Tomorrow is going to be super busy and stressful in the morning.  My aunt is coming to see me and Matt perform.  I have a feeling it's going to be very relaxed after church because Hunter and I are going to celebrate our one year anniversary by watching one of our favorite movies. haha.

Anyways, I have a song for today, for the feeling of today and for today itself.




"Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac

"For you there'll be no more crying
For you the sun will be shining
And I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right

To you I'll give the world
To you I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right

And the songbirds are singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before

And I wish you all the love in the world
But most of all, I wish it from myself

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before
Like never before
Like never before"



So, I neglected to mention earlier that I got engaged today.  :)
We left the dress rehearsal at 4 and we went to Hunter's place to decorate his Christmas tree.  When we'd put up all the ornaments he brought out a bag with extra ornaments, each one with a unique feature for each person there.  He pulled mine out last and while I was putting it on the tree, he got down on one knee behind me.  When I turned around he asked me to marry him.  :) I said yes.







 --as always

Silver Bells and Whistles

I got my nails painted today, they're more pink than I wanted them to be.  I wanted them to be silver so that they would match my dress for the Christmas service.  I really love my dress.  It's a short dress and it's a deep silver color with black polka dots.  The skirt is poofy and I'm going to need to wear a shall to keep my shoulders warm and I'm planning of wearing black leggings of some kind.  I'm thinking about painting my toenails silver too, although it won't matter because my toes will be hidden...

Anyways, the Christmas service is coming up fast. we have a dress rehearsal on Saturday and then the service is on Sunday.  I must admit, I'm quite nervous about it.  This is the first year that I have a solo and I'm praying that I don't mess it up.

On the lighter side of things, I have a date on Friday that I'm really excited about.  We ladies are planning it and it's going to be tons of fun.  I still have to finish my list for the scavenger hunt. haha. :)



--as always

Children get older and I'm getting older too

EV got engaged today

I told you it was going to be an eventful holiday season.  So many exciting things with EV getting engaged and with all the fun things happening with family.  This is quite an exciting end to the year. They are talking about a date for the wedding and I am going to be a bridesmaid. :) Fun!

I'm super excited about this Christmas. Hunter is going to love his gifts this year and we get to spend lots of quality time with extended family. :) I'm really looking forward to seeing my cousins when they come in to town this year. I hope I get to see some of Hunter's family this Christmas, too.



"Landslide" by Stevie Nicks

"I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
When a landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Oh, oh, oh

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older and I'm getting older too

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older and I'm getting older too
And I'm getting older too

Take my love and take it down
If you climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Where the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, maybe
Well, maybe
Well, maybe
A landslide will bring you down"



--as always

Give thanks for Thanksgiving

Things have been quite eventful... I spent Thanksgiving day with Hunter's family down in Orange County and that was lots of fun. I really love his family.  They are so nice and so loving towards one another and everyone else.  They are the kind of people who feel instantly like friends as soon as you start talking to them.  They make me feel like part of the family, even though I'm not.

After I came home Matt, my mother and myself went out to target at midnight and that was crazy.  Super crazy.  The line stretched all the way around to the back of the building.  I got some great deals on things, though. :) That was a plus to waiting in the craziest line I've ever seen outside of Disneyland.  The line for the checkout stretched all the way to the other end of the front of the building and wound back and forth through the aisles and even around a corner.  I seriously felt like I was in Disneyland, but instead of a ride at the end of my wait, I got to spend a lot of money...  :\  But I did find some great deals. Just saying.
Then I got home and finally went to sleep around 4, I still got about eight hours of sleep, which was awesome! Then my mom wanted to go out again, so we did.  We scored some more good deals.  I can now officially say that I have participated in Black Friday rituals... whoo.  It's kind of crazy...

Then Hunter and I went bowling. :) That was fun.  I didn't do all that well... :(

Then this morning, I went to the homeless shelter and helped in the refurbishment of the rooms and the establishment as a whole.  We painted and cleaned and fixed the place up in about five hours.  It was fantastic.  I really loved having the opportunity to do something like that, to serve in that way, to help people less fortunate to have a nicer place to stay.  It was a bit difficult at times when the children, who were also helping out, were dripping paint all over the floor and painting the already painted parts of the wall.  It was challenging trying to get them to be productive.

The Thanksgiving get together with the Circle was fun.  It was great getting to see mostly everyone and I hope we can all get together again around Christmas time. :)  I hope the Circle members who live up north will be able to come down to visit.




I'm looking forward to this coming weekend. It's going to be really fun.  Hunter and I are going down to Los Angeles and we're going to spend most of the day there.  I'm not quite sure what we're going to go do, but never-the-less I'm super excited. :)



--as always

What's the things they never showed you

"Black Balloon" by The Goo Goo Dolls

"Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one?
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

Coming down, the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room

Coming down, the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer

And there's no time left for losing
When you stand they fall

Coming down, the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder

All because I'm
Coming down, the years turn over
And angels fall without you there
And I'll go on, now, and lead you home
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become
What you became to me"




This thanksgiving I'm really focusing on all of those loved ones who have died.  I'm grateful for all of them and for all of the memories, experiences, and life lessons they brought to me.  This year, and every year, I am thankful for them.  I hope to be the inspirational and remembered in the same way that they are.  I hope that I can be that person for someone else.  I hope that others in my life can learn from me before I die.

Holidays are the times when we as people learn the most about those we are close to.  We learn how they handle stress and how they handle their relationships with the other members of their family.  We learn their traditions, their holiday opinions, and their family values.

This year I am grateful for who have passed and I am grateful for those who I still have.  I am grateful for Hunter and for my parents and my brother, I am grateful for my friends and for everything that these wonderful people bring to my life.





--as always

You make me wanna say

"I Do" by Colbie Caillat

"It's always been about me, myself, and I
I thought relationships were nothing but a waste of time
I never wanted to be anybody's other half
I was happy saying I had a love that wouldn't last
That was the only way I knew 'till I met you

You make me wanna say
I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do do
Yeah, I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do do

'Cause every time before it's been like maybe yes and maybe no
I could live without it, I could let it go
Ooh, what did I get myself into?
You make me wanna say I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

Tell me is it only me, do you feel the same?
You know me well enough to know that I'm not playing games
I promise I won't turn around and I won't let you down
You can trust I've never felt it like I feel it now

Baby, there's nothing, there's nothing we can't get through
So can we say
I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do do
Oh baby, I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do do

'Cause every time before it's been like maybe yes and maybe no
I won't live without it, I won't let it go
What more can I get myself into?
You make me wanna say

Me, a family, a house, a family
Ooh, can we be a family?
And when I'm eighty years old I'm sitting next to you

And we'll remember when we said
I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do do
Oh baby, I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do do

'Cause every time before it's been like maybe yes and maybe no
No, I won't live without it, I won't let us go
Just look at what we got ourselves into
You make me wanna say I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do
Love you"





So much is happening in these two months, exciting things.  My friends are having exciting things happen, exciting things are happening at school, holidays are happening.  Two days ago, Hunter and I celebrated eleven months together and tonight we went to go see Spamalot at the LPAC.  Super fun!  Not to mention that we've started to celebrate Thanksgiving, with our first Thanksgiving "party" or dinner this weekend.  I'm spending Thanksgiving day with Hunter and his family, then of course Friday and Saturday with my family and friends. :)  Good times.

All I can say right now without leaking any spoilers, friends and such, is that this is quite a holiday season.





--as always

My, oh my, how my blood boils

"Crazy For You" by Adele

"Found myself today singing out your name
You said I'm crazy
If I am I'm crazy for you

Sometimes sitting in the dark
Wishing you were here turns me crazy
But it's you who makes me lose my head

And every time I'm meant to be acting sensible
You drift into my head
And turn me into a crumbling fool

Tell me to run and I'll race
If you want me to stop, I'll freeze
And if you want me gone, I'll leave
Just hold me closer, baby
Make me crazy for you
Crazy for you

Lately with this state I'm in
I can't help myself but spin
I wish you'd come over
Send me spinning closer to you

My, oh my, how my blood boils
A sweet taste for you
Strips me down bare
And gets me into my favorite mood

I keep on trying to fight these feelings away
But the more I do, the crazier I turn into
Pacing floors and opening doors
Hoping you'll walk through and save me, boy
Because I'm too crazy for you
Crazy for you"





I feel like a crazy person sometimes.  I find times to talk about Hunter no matter where I am. I feel like one of those people who always has pictures of the grand kids, or the person who always talks about their cat... It's the small things that make me think about him, things that I see and I think that he would like them, or little things that I will see that will remind me of him.  I find myself talking about him a lot.  It makes me feel a little crazy.



Just saying.





--as always

Dance, Dance, Dance

Oh man, I've had such a workout tonight!  I'm hanging out with my friend in Pomona and we went over to another friend's house and played some 20 rounds of Just Dance 3.  It was intense because we did the footwork too.  I feel like I just went to the gym. Haha.  It was a great workout, though. I think I'll make it part of my weekly routine when I get home. :)



--as always

You make it easier when life gets hard

"Lucky" by Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat

"Do you hear me? I'm talking to you
Across the water, across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my
Baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel you whisper across the sea
I'll keep you with me, in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooh, ooh, ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you, I promise you I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooh, ooh, ooh

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in you hair

Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty, you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning 'round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooh, ooh, ooh"



--as always

It's the latest, it's the greatest

"Mashed Potato Time" by Dee Dee Sharp

"It's the latest, it's the greatest
Mashed Potato, ya, ya, ya

A Mashed Potato started long time ago
With a guy named Sloppy Joe
You'll find this dance is so cool to do
Come on baby, gonna teach it to you

Mashed Potato, feel it in your feet now
Mashed Potato, come on get the beat now
Baby, come on honey, come on baby

And then they dance it through and through
They look for records they can do it to
They got a dance was outta sight
Doin' the lion sleeps tonight

Mashed Potato, ya a weem o wep a weem o wep
Mashed Potato, ya, ya, ya, ya
It's the latest, aw baby
It's the greatest, come on honey
Ya, ya, ya, ya

Now everybody is doing fine
They dance alone or in a big boss line
And they discovered it's the most, man
The day they did it to please Mr. Postman

Mashed Potato, wait a minute, wait a minute
Mashed Potato, deliver da letter
It's the latest, come on baby
It's the greatest, oh honey
Ya, ya, ya, ya

Well they got with more and more
Ya ought to see 'em around the floor
The Mashed Potato
They even do it to Dear Lady Twist

Mashed Potato, ya, ya, ya, ya
It's the latest, come on baby
It's the greatest, oh honey
Mashed Potato
Feel the groovy beat now"




Kayla and I were playing Just Dance Wii yesterday and we decided to do "Mashed Potato Time" and the dance moves for that song are extremely sexist.  It starts with a 'wash the dishes' move, then comes 'sweep the floor,' after that is 'peel the potato,' then 'rock the baby,' followed by 'churn the butter/stir the large pot' and 'wash the windows.'  I was slightly offended, but on the up-side I scored really high on that song, I think my score was 10900.  So, at least I know I'm a good woman..... :\








--as always

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

A tribute to Vincent Van Gogh, a wonderful impressionist artist, a visionary and a beautiful and troubled man.


"Vincent" by Don McLean, cover by Josh Groban

"Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on a snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflecting Vincent's eyes of china blue

Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged man in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

And now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will"


Hunter and I went to the Getty Museum yesterday and we took a good look at the impressionist art, which I always do because it's my favorite artistic period. We looked at all the different artists and we saw some Van Goghs', and every time I see a Van Gogh painting it makes me a little sad. Vincent is one of my favorite painters, but not because of the cliche reasons that everyone else likes Van Gogh. I like Vincent because he saw the world in a different way, he viewed the world in a way that is familiar to me. He could look out at an everyday scene and capture it with all its earthly beauty, they beauty that others would pass by and pay no attention to. I love Vincent Van Gogh because he reminds me of what life is supposed to look like and pf how life should be viewed. He saw the beauty, and I admire that.



--as always

A little here, a little there

I made dinner tonight and it was delicious. :D I used all fresh ingredients and I felt so good about what I was eating! I really love to cook, it seems like I never get the chance when my mom is in town. :/ My dad and Matt thought it was a great meal, which made me happy.

Mom left for Michigan yesterday, she comes back in two weeks. I have a feeling that it's going to be very interesting while she's gone. I get to do cleaning things and cooking things and organization things... stuff I never get to do unless she's gone because they involve the household items... /sigh. Feels good, though. I like getting the chance to clean things up and make them more organized.

I went to a chiropractor on Monday. That was amazing. :) I felt taller too, which is definitely a plus to the pro/con list about chiropractors. Not that I'm short of course... but I have felt like I've been shrinking in height a bit over the last year... just saying.

Other than all that, it's been life as usual.



--as always

And I'm just dreaming

"100 Years" by Five For Fighting

"I'm fifteen for a moment
Caught in between ten and twenty
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm twenty-two for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

Fifteen, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
Fifteen, there's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live

I'm thirty-three for a moment
I'm still the man, but you see I'm a 'they'
A kid on the way, babe
A family on my mind

I'm forty-five for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

Fifteen, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself within a morning star
Fifteen, I'm alright with you
Fifteen, there's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
Sixty-seven is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on

I'm ninety-nine for a moment
And dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

Fifteen, there's still time for you
Twenty-two, I feel her too
Thirty-three, you're on your way
Every day's a new day
Ooh...

Fifteen, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to chose
Hey fifteen, there's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live"




I feel like this, if only this song were written from a woman's perspective. Sometimes I feel like I must be dreaming. Haha! How crazy...








--as always

Fun and Fast Times

It's my dad's birthday tomorrow. We're going out to dinner at Giovanni's, my dad loves the calzones there. :) it seems like this month has gone by so fast and that school is just flying by. I'm loving my classes, so I guess that helps the feeling that time is flying.

I have officially been hired as a sub-para educator as a local school, which is pretty great. It pays well and I'm really excited to be working. :) I start this coming week. I also have a job interview for another tutoring type job coming up next week. It's been pretty busy, haha, but I'm loving it.

The funeral last week was very nice. It was really cool to see family, despite the circumstances. All the stories that were shared were wonderful and so funny. It's a memory that I will treasure. I don't know when I will see all of them again.


--as always

Sudden Onset Head Cold

I'm sick. It's been crazy. I was fine and then one hour later I was all sniffles and sneezing, then the next morning I had a full blown head cold. Dizzy and light headed when I stand up, stuffed up like a pillow, my head feeling like it's about to explode. Uggh. I don't like being sick. :(

I am not looking forward to the car ride down to San Diego while being sick.






:(
--as always

A Wedding and a Funeral

Last weekend I went to a family reunion with Hunter's family. It was supposed to be a wedding, but.... well, that didn't end up happening. This coming weekend I am going to a funeral for one of my dad's relatives. And as of this weekend, Hunter and I have been together for nine months. It's been quite an eventful few weeks.

The family reunion was nice. His family is very nice and very sane, in comparison to mine. They were very welcoming and I really like them. It was just his mother's side of the family, though. I still have to meet his dad's side. They seemed to like me, I hope they did. :)

This coming weekend is for my grandfather's first wife. She has been cremated and her ashes are being interned in a wall crypt. We will be having a memorial for her on Friday. I'm glad that Hunter is going to get the chance to meet the other side of my family.

We've been together for nine months now. It's hard to believe that it's been nine months. It seems like it's gone by so fast. I really love him.



--as always

Is this the the place that I've been dreaming of?

"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane

"I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So, why do we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So, why do we go?
So, why do we go?
This could be the end of everything
So, why do we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know"




It hardly seems that Hunter and I have been dating for 8 months. I guess it just goes to show that we've been having a lot of fun. Haha. :) I remember when I was looking forward with the attitude of this song, wondering if love and I would ever speak again. If love and I would come back together. I'm glad I had the in-between time I did, I really am. It was very good for me. I could see the potential for new relationships and new growth and I knew I had work to do, but if I didn't have that time, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. I guess what I'm saying is thank you, love, for showing me what I needed in order to become the woman I am today. Thank you for showing me the possibilities of love, the depth of love and the varieties of love. Thank you for showing me that love never dies, it only changes. Thank you, love, for filling my life with color.





--as always

And what's wrong with that? I'd like to know.

"Silly Love Songs" by Paul McCarthy (Wings)

"You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs
But I look around me and I see it isn't so

Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that? I'd like to know.

'Cause here I go again
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

I can't explain, the feeling's plain to me, now can't you see?
Ah, she gave me more, she gave it all to me. Now can't you see?
What's wrong with that? I need to know.
'Cause here I go again
I love you
I love you

Love doesn't come in a minute
Sometimes it doesn't come at all
I only know that when I'm in it
It isn't silly
Love isn't silly
Love isn't silly at all

How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one? (I love you)
How can I tell you about my loved one? (I love you)

I love you
I love you
I love you (I can't explain, the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see?)
I love you (Ah, he gave me more, he gave it all to me. Say can't you see?)
How can I tell you about my loved one? (I love you)
(I can't explain, the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see?)
How can I tell you about my loved one? (I love you)
(Ah, he gave me more, he gave it all to me. Say can't you see?)
How can I tell you about my loved one? (I love you)
(I can't explain, the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see?)
How can I tell you about my loved one? (I love you)
(Ah, he gave me more, he gave it all to me. Say can't you see?)

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs
But I look around me and I see it isn't so, oh no
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that?"



Hahaha. I love him, just saying. He lights up my world with everything that he does. By just being there he can brighten my day. :) He's wonderful.




--as always

Apparently we all live in concrete rooms

There is so much house work to do it's ridiculous. New goal: don't own a large house. It's amazing what kind of mess that only two boys can create. I'm chasing after them all day long, cleaning up after them wherever they go. They make such a mess! I'll have to remember that for when I have children.


It also seems to me that the world is devoid of imagination or any sort of creative thinking. People keep talking to me about my life plans, but can't seem to grasp that the timing is all relative and circumstantial... Is it so hard to grasp the idea of "cross that bridge when I get to it"?? I think people just think in concrete blocks, no room for movement or possibilities. It' s frustrating. I could say more, but I shouldn't. I'd just get too angry...





--as always

I braved a hundred storms to leave you

"Turning Tables" by Adele

"Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you what you think you give me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you, ooh
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you what you think you give me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you what you think you give me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Turning tables"




I never wanted to be my mother. I think every person has a moment like that, where they think that they don't want to turn out like one or both of their parents. I don't want to be like my mother, as much as I love her. I have worked hard to shape myself and my behaviors to be independent and better than those of my parents. In a way, as a result of my dedication to the issue, I have become a sort of black sheep in my family. The one who is the most sane.

It feels good being so separate from all of the intense crazy that goes on in this house. It feels good to be so different. I hope that my mother can see everything that I do and everything that is different about me and not feel offended. I hope she can understand, but I don't know if she will. I never want to be like that.

It's is my greatest fear, though. I fear that I will end up doing the things that my mother does, or even the things that my dad does. I don't know how to stop it from happening. All I can do is hope that I'll recognize it if it happens.

Hunter is learning that my family stories are not exaggerated. I hope he has faith that I won't become my mother. I hope that I have faith enough.












--as always

Come on and give me the chance

"One and Only" by Adele

"You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows
Why it's taken me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared
I've been here before
Every feeling, every word
I've imagined it all
You'll never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your
Your one and only
I promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms
So, come on and give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

Have I been on your mind?
You hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name
Will I ever know
How it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me
Whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared
'Cause I've been here before
Every feeling, every word
I've imagined it all
You'll never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your
Your one and only
I promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms
So, come on and give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart (Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart (Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart (Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart (Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart

So, I dare you to let me be your
Your one and only
I promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms
So, come on and give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come on and give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts"




--as always

The Month of May

Quite a busy weekend this weekend. Hunter moved into a new place and his roommates moved as well, one to Bakersfield and the other will be moving in August. Spent the weekend up in Bakersfield, where it was rather rainy. All in all a fun time up north.

The rest of this past month was rather slow. I had my fifth spiritual birthday on the 28th. Towel day was enjoyable, as it always is. My parents went out of town for a little while and I had a great week hanging out with Matthew. We get on quite well together, when it's just us. Funny how that works.




--as always

How did we wind up this way?

"Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" by Nine Days

"This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles

How many days in a year
She woke up with hope but she only found tears
And I can be so insincere
Making her promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearing the holes in the soles of her shoes
How many days disappear
When you look in the mirror
So how do you choose

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles

Now how many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this shit day after day
How did we wind up this way
Watching our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearing the clothes or the soles that we choose
How do we get there today
When we're walking too far for the price of our shoes

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
When she smiles

Well, your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her

This is the story of a girl
Her pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
When she smiles"




This has been quite the week so far. I went to the poppy festival and it was really fun, but I got a pretty bad sunburn. D: It's ok, though, it was totally worth it. I've been so busy. With half of my family disabled it is now, more than ever, my job to keep the house kept up and the yard looking well. I definitely don't want a sanction from the fire marshals. lol I'm practically running this house on my own... and yet, my mother still gets angry at me for taking lunch into my room so that I can multitask... /sigh. hahaha. It's all one big joke, I can't wait to get back to a world that makes sense. someday, someday.

Nostalgia days has me remembering how things were and has me realizing how far I've come, or rather, how much things have changed. It's not necessarily bad, or good for that matter, it just is. It has made me realize that I am capable of so much more than what I am reaching for these days, now I just have to reach higher.





--as always

Just go ahead, now

"Two Princes" by Spin Doctors

"One, two princes kneel before you
That's what I said, now
Princes, princes who adore you
Just go ahead, now
One has diamonds in his pockets
And that's some bread, now
This one said he wants to buy you rockets
Ain't in his head, now

This one he's got a princely racket
That's what I said, now
Got some big seal upon his jacket
Ain't in his head, now
You marry him, your father will condone you
How 'bout that, now
You marry me, your father will disown you
He'll eat his hat, now

Marry him or marry me
I'm the one that loved you, baby can't you see
I ain't got no future or family tree
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be
I know what a prince and lover ought to be

Said if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you would like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And if you want to buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you would like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now

Said one, two princes kneel before you
That's what I said, now
Princes, princes who adore you
Just go ahead, now
One has diamonds in his pockets
And that's some bread, now
This one, he wants to buy you rockets
Ain't in his head, now

Marry him or marry me
I'm the one that loved you, baby can't you see
I ain't got no future or family tree
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be
I know what a prince and lover ought to be

Said if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you would like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And if you want to buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you would like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now

And if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you would like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And if you would like to buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you would like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now

If you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you'd like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And if you want to buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you'd like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now

Oh baby! Just go ahead now
Oh! Just go ahead now
Oh, your majesty!
Just go ahead now
C'mon forget the king who... marry me!
Just go ahead now
Come on, come on, come on
Just go ahead now
Go ahead now
Just go ahead now"


Hahahahaha. This song is hilarious!


--as always

You say we've got nothing in common

"Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something

"You say we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
Still I know you just don't care

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film.
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

I see you - the only one who knew me
And now your eyes see through me
I guess I was wrong
So what now?
It's plain to see we're over
And I have when things are over
When so much is left undone

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film.
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

You say we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
Still I know you just don't care

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film.
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film.
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film.
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got.""


A classic.

--as always

You've got the music in you

"You Get What You Give" by New Radicals

"One, two, one, two three, oh!

Wake up kids
We've got the dreamer's disease
Age fourteen, we got you down on your knees
So polite, we're busy still saying please

Frienemies, who when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash their Mercedes-Benz
First we run and then we laugh till we cry

But when the night is falling
You cannot find the light (light)
If you feel your dreams are dying
Hold tight

You've got the music in you
(Don't let go) You've got the music in you
(One dance left) The world is gonna pull through
(Don't give up) You've got a reason to live
(Can't forget) We only get what we give

I'm coming home, baby
You're tops
Give it to me now

Four AM, we ran the Miracle Mile
We're flat broke, but hey we do it in style
The bad rich
God's flying in for your trial

But when the night is falling
You cannot find a friend (friend)
You feel your tree is breaking
Just then

You've got the music in you
(Don't let go) You've got the music in you
(One dance left) The world is gonna pull through
(Don't give up) You've got a reason to live
(Can't forget) We only get what we give

This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok, follow your heart
You're in harms way, I'm right behind
Now say you're mine

You've got the music in you
(Don't let go) You've got the music in you
(One dance left)The world is gonna pull through
(Don't give up)You've got a reason to live
(Can't forget)We only get what we give
(Don't let go) I feel the music in you

Fly high, high
What's real can't die
You only get what you give
You gonna get what you give

(Don't give up)
Just dont be afraid to leave
Health insurance rip off lying
FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes

Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Don't let go
One dance left
Don't give up
Can't forget
Don't"



Well, someone was pissed... and is probably a creeper, who may or may not be on drugs...












--as always

All sane and logical

"Inside Out" by Eve 6

"I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
But the lack there of would leave me empty inside
Swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin 'round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous, then I'm through with you

I burn, burn like a wicker cabinet
Chalk white and oh so frail
I see our time has gotten stale
The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall
I hear words in clips and phrases
I think sick like ginger ale
My stomach turns and I exhale

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
But the lack there of would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
I want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous, then I'm through with you

SoCal is where my mind states
But it's not my state of mind
I'm not as ugly, sad as you
Or am I origami?
Folded up and just pretend
Demented as the motives in your head

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
But the lack there of would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
I want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous, then I'm through with you
(Rendezvous)

I alone am the one you don't know you need
Take heed, feed your ego
Make me blind when your eyes close
Sink when you get close
Tie me to the bedpost

I alone am the one you don't know you need
You don't know you need me
Make me blind when your eyes close
Tie me to the bedpost

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
But the lack there of would leave me empty inside
Swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous, then I'm through
Now I'm through with you

Through with you

Rendezvous, then I'm through with you"





So, the poppy festival is this weekend. Hunter and I are going tomorrow. :) I'm actually really excited about it. There aren't going to be any real poppies there, though, at least I don't think there will be... which seems a bit counter-intuitive considering the name of the event. Just saying. I am really liking the warmer weather. It means I get to break out my favorite type of clothes. :D







Also, this song gets stuck in my head like none other...




--as always

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

"Closing Time" by Semisonic

"Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time, turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl
Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from
Closing time, This room won't be open till your brothers or your sisters come
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend
Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
Yeah

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"





I feel like I hear the beginning to the song ALL THE TIME. It's crazy. It never is this song, though. Oh nostalgia....






--as always

First class and fancy free

"She's So High" by Tal Bachman

"She's blood, flesh and bone
No tucks or silicone
She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound

But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen
Yeah, yeah

'Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite
She's so high
High above me

First class and fancy free
She's high society
She's got the best of everything

What could a guy like me
Every really offer?
She's perfect as she can be
Why should I even bother?

'Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite
She's so high
High above me

She comes to speak to me
I freeze immediately
'Cause what she says sounds so unreal

'Cause somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah

'Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite
She's so high
High above me"


OH MY GOSH, this song. That is all.



--as always

If there's a reason, it's lost on me

"Never Let You Go" by Third Eye Blind

"There's every good reason
For letting you go
She's sneaky and smoked out
And it's starting to show

I never let you go
I never let you go
I never let you go
I never let you turn around, your back on each other
That's a good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around, your back on each other

You say that I've changed
Well maybe I did
But even if I changed
What's wrong with it

I never let you go
I never let you go
I never let you go
I never let you turn around, your back on each other
That's a good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around, your back on each other

And all our friends are gone and gone
And all the time moves on and on
And all I know is it's wrong, it's wrong
And all I know is it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong
If there's a reason, it's lost on me
Maybe we'll be friends, I guess we'll see

I never let you go
I never let you go
I never let you go
I never let you g0
Turn around, your back on each other
That's a good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around, let's turn on each other
Good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around, your back on each other
That's a good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around, your back on each other
What a good idea...

I remember the stupid things, the mood rings, the bracelets and the beads
Nickels and dimes, yours and mine, did you cash in all your dreams
You don't dream for me, no. (Goodbye, goodbye) You don't dream for me, no
But I still feel your pulse like sonar from the days in the waves
That girl is like a sunburn, I would like to say
That girl is like a sunburn, I would like to say
She's like a sunburn
She's like a sunburn"


--as always

I won't worry my life away

"The Remedy" by Jason Mraz

"Well I saw fireworks from the freeway
And behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away
'Cause you were born on the Fourth of July, freedom ring
Well, something on the surface, it stinks
I said something on the surface
Really kind of makes me nervous
Who say that you deserve this
And what kind of god would serve this
We will cure this dirty old disease
Well, if you gots the poison, I've gots the remedy

The remedy is the experience
It is a dangerous liaison
I says the comedy is that it's serious
This is a strange enough new play on words
I said the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
Well, it all amounts to nothing in the end
I, I won't worry my life away
I, I won't worry my life away

Well, I heard two men talking on the radio
In a cross fire kind of new reality show
Uncovering the ways to plan the next big attack
Where they were counting down the ways to stab
The brother in the be right back after this
The unavoidable kiss with the minty fresh death breath
That's sure to outlast this catastrophe, dance with me
'Cause if you gots the poison, I've gots the remedy

The remedy is the experience
It is a dangerous liaison
I says the comedy is that it's serious
This is a strange enough new play on words
I said the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end
I, I won't worry my life away
And I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't worry my life away

When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun, but I'm still gonna shine
And I'll tell you why

Because the remedy is the experience
It is a dangerous liaison
I says the comedy is that it's serious
This is a strange enough new play on words
I said the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end
I, 'cause I won't, I won't worry my life away
I won't, I won't, I won't worry my life away
I won't worry my life
I, I won't, I won't worry my life away
'Cause I won't, and I won't, and I won't worry my life away
I won't, I won't, I won't worry my life away"




I think everyone my from this era nostalgias when they hear this song. Also, this song has horrible grammar. really.



--as always

What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful

Nostalgia! Nostalgia Everywhere!!!

All these songs make me nostalgia and nostalgia hard. I'll post one a day for the next ten days. Maybe they'll make you nostalgia too. :)



"Slide" by The Goo Goo Dolls

"Could you whisper in my ear
The things you wanna feel
I'd give you anything
To feel it coming

Do you wake up on your own?
And wonder where you are
You live with all your faults

I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide

Yeah, I'm gonna let it slide

Don't you love the life you killed
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you

Don't suppose I'll ever know
What it means to be a man
Something I can't change
I'll live around it

I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
Ooh, slide

And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
Oh May, put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful
Oh May, do you wanna get married or run away?

And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
Oh May, put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful
Oh May, do you wanna get married or run away?

I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything

(Yeah, slide)
And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
(Yeah, slide)
Little pieces of the nothing that fall

(Yeah, slide)
And I'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete
(Yeah, slide)
Little pieces of the nothing that fall

(Yeah slide between the sheets)
(Of all the beds you never knew)
Why don't you slide into my room
Just slide into my room
We'll run away, run away, run away"



--as always

And all I can taste is this moment

"Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am"




Sometimes I feel like this. Like I don't want to come out of my shell, like I only want to be around a few people at a time. As if there were less risk that way, with fewer people around. I think I find it hard to be open with people; it's hard to let the inside out. Part of it is the way I was raised, or rather the the results of the way I was raised: where it was emotionally safer to be alone and introverted. The other part is circumstance and conditioning from my life experiences. I've been working on it, though. I think I've become much better at sharing my inner self with others. :)



--as always

Craziness Galore

What a month. It's been a fun month, but it's also been a crazy month. My dad collided with another person on ski slopes in Colorado and fractured his right shoulder, which of course is his dominant side. He also suffered a concussion and has memory loss and concentration problems now. :/ My mom has been having issues ever since. I think it's because she has trouble with massive change and also because my dad and I do a lot around the house and now there is only me, and I'm busy with school. She's been giving me grief. Oh well, she'll get over it.

On the up side, Hunter brought me flowers for our three month anniversary. :)



--as always

Balloons and Confetti

So my birthday was fabulous. I had a great time. We went out to Macaroni Grill and it was delicious :). I think the part I loved the most was that I was spending time with friends and family and there was no big pressure or importance placed over my head. It was just a relaxing time, hanging out, not making a big fuss. It was nice, I liked it.



--as always

And I'm on my way to believing

"The Only Exception" by Paramore

"When I was younger I saw
My daddy cry and curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that she would
Never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception

Well, maybe I know somewhere
Deep in my soul that love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream, oh oh oh

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

You are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception
You are the only exception
Well, you are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing

Oh, and I'm on my way to believing"





I broke my own heart. I accept that and I'm putting the pieces back together. It might be taking a long time, a lot longer than I ever would have thought, but that's ok as long as I keep working on it. I've come so far and I know that I will never forget about all that I've been through and all that I've done, to myself and to others. I'm grateful for that. So many things are possible and I guess you could say that I'm on my way to believing in myself again.




--as always

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

"Firework" by Katy Perry

"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go oh oh oh
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go oh oh oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If only you knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
Is so you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightening bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go oh oh oh
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go oh oh oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ooh-ooh

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go oh oh oh
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go oh oh oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon"




As people we are so complex, like a house of cards with many levels. We have disasters and we get our hearts broken. We cry, we laugh and sometimes we forget the things that are the most important in life. Valentine's day is a day all about love: the one thing that has been proven to heal many ailments, but love is also a leading cause of sadness.

As humans, we have layer upon layer of history and experiences and each of those things defines who we are. Each time we have been encouraged or hurt, each time we've loved or been loved - all these things define who we are, they make us unique. Sometimes we forget to enjoy the small things in life, the things that make us individuals. We forget about love, especially when we've been hurt, but after the whirlwinds of emotional pain have subsided it gets easier to see all the color that life, and love, has to offer. So, don't be afraid to let your colors show, let people love you for everything that you are.




--as always

Only dots on a map

"You Picked Me" by A Fine Frenzy

"One, Two, Three
Counting out the signs we see
The tall buildings fading in the distance
Only dots on a map

Four, Five, Six
The two of us: a perfect fit
You're all mine, all mine
And all I can say is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah, you picked me

So softly, rain against the windows
And the strong coffee
Warming up my fingers
In this fisherman's house

You got me
Searched the sand and climbed the tree
And brought me back down
And all I can say is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah, you picked me

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell on a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah, you picked me"


I don't know what it is, but there is something about her that I really like. Her music is great. I think I like that she is very real in the way she writes and sings her songs, it brings it all down to a very human level. She seems to know my life, or my life is much like hers.

Anyways, I like the line "only dots on a map" because that is what we are as people, just dots on a page. Our lives are, for the most part, insignificant. Every once in a while there is a person who makes a large mark on the pages of history, but the Average Joe comes and goes without a lot of pomp and circumstance. But to those who interact in our daily lives, we Average Joes are more than just simple dots or specks on the page of time, we are important. We are the people that they speak to every day, the people that they care about and who care about them, we are the people that make a difference in pages of their life story. Having someone in your life in that way is important. I wonder how many stories I'm in...



--as always

I'm battle-scarred

"Near To You" by A Fine Frenzy

"He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so, but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss
Still a little bit delirious, yeah

Near to you
I am healing, but it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you

Well you and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle-scarred
And I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing, fading steadily
Well, I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me, please?

'Cause near to you
I am healing, but it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you
Yet, I'm better near to you

I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I am better where you are
I only know that I belong where you are

Near to you
I am healing, but it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Near to you
I am healing, but it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you
Yet, I'm better near to you"







I'm battle-scarred... but that's ok. I never expected to dive into life and come out with nothing to show for it. Everything I've been through has taught me something and I've grown so much from each experience, either good or bad, even from the neutral ones. Sometimes I have to remember not to let things set me back, though. I can get discouraged or I feel like I need a break, but I forget to get back on the train. There's a point when you live day-to-day and there's a point when you make plans for the future, I never want to get stuck living day-to-day. I always want to be able to move on, to live instead of just survive. I always try to make sure I'm moving forward, it's good for my mental health.




--as always