All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered

i am not quite sure what to say in light of everything, whether that makes sense or not... i usually keep my "song of the day" posts a bit impersonal, for the most part, but today i think is different... we'll see.


"Shattered" by O.A.R.

"In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you

Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

But how many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

Give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
I always turn the car around

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around

Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around"





you know that feeling when you try so hard to do something, or pull something off, a feat of some sort, and it all seems to be falling apart. or maybe you are trying to hide something but you feel that the veil you have put place to hide that thing is just a bit too thin, maybe even a bit sheer.... well, that's a bit how i feel at the moment: like things are a bit odd, not necessarily working out the way i would like them to... but that is not too uncommon for me... lol.

but recently i feel this rather acutely, this feeling: a feeling of vulnerability that i cant take away or change. i cant do anything about it because it moves at its own pace and it wont go away until it is ready to, or rather, till i have reached a point where it can.

psychology tells me that i have issues, and i believe it. i do have issues, but its how i cope with the world. and psychology tells me that there is a logical answer to the question posed in this song: "how many times can i break till i shatter?" and it is based on the psyche and the stability of an individual... but real life tells me that there is no true answer, because every situation is different and every situation has its different "shatter" points.




--as always