More reason than most...

Well, it seems like we are all writing one of these...
but i think i will break the tradition just a bit. ;)

it seems as if i am always faced with something new and i am always forced to make a decision, and it is never really an easy decision not too long ago i wrote about choices, and i feel as if i am being forced to make another choice. (i know that the choice is and was yours dear, and i do not fault you for that. somehow i feel as if i should be a part of this choice, and i feel that there should be something i am able to do even though i know that there is not)

to the circle:
everyone seems to be saying goodbye and talking about change and things of the sort. i, however, am going to talk about something a bit different. yes we are all moving along with our lives and we will have to part from each other physically, but we are all still the same people. we will all change and go in different directions, but we will all have the circle with us no matter where we go. i have no doubt that we will all stay in touch and i have no doubt that we will continue to get together and hang out. our get togethers may not be a frequent as they are now, but we will certainly have them (and if in the future you are not part of them or do not want to be, then you are lame and do not deserve to call yourself part of the circle... that is all) i know that we will all stay friends and that we will never forget one another, and i would have it any other way. :)

many of us are going to AVC for a few years which will definitely make getting together easier for the time being, and when the time comes for us to go off to university we, i am sure, will work something else out in order for us all to stay in contact and to see each other. so, no worries.
and now for the heartfelt statement: you have all been an amazing comfort to me. i love you all. ;)

to those that are staying here and going to AVC:
i will see you over the summer and then, most likely, in class at the college... oh, and dakota, we seriously do need to take that fencing class together second semester! sooo much fun!


on a side note (a very different one) and to one who is very close to me:
where you choose to go is up to you. you have always known that just as well as i have. we were not always the best of friends, but when we became friends i loved you as a sister. i wont say that i am angry, because that would not be an accurate description, rather: disappointed. dont be bitter, bitterness will only hurt you in the end, not to mention alienate those around you. i tell you everything, and truthfully, it hurt that you lied to me. but i forgive you. i will always forgive you. ... you will be challenged greatly in these next 26 days, and i hope that you were challenged today. i know you know that i did not share everything today, but what i shared was enough for those that listened. if you take anything away from me, take the knowledge of what i have done and what i have gone through; not only then, but recently as well. if you dont want to make the same decisions i did and if you dont want to give that up (even though God knows i didnt want to) i will understand and i would not fault you for it. it is a difficult decision and i know you've seen what i've been going through. if you dont want to do that, i dont blame you. but at the same time realize the reason why i am going through all this. i made my choice.
i cant rebuild this, only you can. and if you want to leave it, that is your choice. it always has been and it always will be. one thing i ask is that you do not do anything because you feel bad or because someone tells you to. do it because you want to and for no other reason. this is the one area where being utterly selfish is acceptable, but dont do it for any other reason than you.
...i remember a time approximately 3 years ago, when i was given the privilege to be such a major part of such a major day. it meant a lot to both of us at one time... i will never forget that and i will never stop being your friend and being there for you, no matter what you choose. i want the best for you, above all... make choices for you. and remember that you will always have me as a friend.
...... this will never end, which i am sure you know, but as a 'forewarning' and to quote a good book and a good movie: "nothing ends... nothing ever ends." i will always be here either way you choose. no matter when, no matter where. thats a promise.


--as always